Best-Laid Plans
by Corisanna
Summary: Karin was going to help her brother and best friend become parents if it was the last thing she did. [[["God, just picture a kid made of a combination of me and Toshiro. Boy or girl, you'll get a mouthy brat who's good at kicking things and bleeds sarcasm." "Are you trying to talk us into or out of this plan?"]]]
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm not sure where the hell this came from. All I know is that once the concept popped into my head and combined it with Karin's general snarkiness, it wouldn't leave me alone. The concept was pure comedy but whoops it detoured into being taken seriously.

Regarding Karin and Tōshirō: I do ship it, but I also FRIENDship it. I really think their chemistry could go either way depending on writing. This story assumes the latter. They're like bratty adult siblings in this.

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

 **CHAPTER ONE**

One evening twelve years after Ichigo's permanent relocation to Soul Society and ten years after his marriage to Tōshirō Hitsugaya, the couple was enduring a raucous weekend dinner at the Shiba compound when there was a knock at the door. Koganehiko quietly slipped out of the room to answer it. When he returned, Karin Kurosaki was with him.

"'Sup, guys. Sorry to drop in unannounced," she drawled.

"No problem, no problem!" Kūkaku dropped Ganju, whose skull she had been twisting her knuckles into. She grinned and waved an arm at the table. "Sit down and have some dinner!"

Ichigo paused, chopsticks halfway between bowl and face, and blinked in surprise. "How the hell did you get here? ...And where did you get that yukata?"

"Pssh, good to see you, too, Ichi-nii," the woman answered with a roll of her eyes. She tossed a casual wave Tōshirō's way as she sat down. Tōshirō nodded a greeting back at her.

"Well, yeah, good to see you. But I thought you started traveling for FIFA tournaments." He put his noodles in his mouth and started chewing.

"About that." Karin served herself some food. "We were on our way to the hotel when the bus rolled. Cracked my head open." She shrugged and irritably stirred her noodles with her chopsticks. "Tch, and we were on our way to taking the Cup for a third time in a row. Idiot driver was texting instead of watching the road. He got one of the assistant coaches and our second-string goalie killed, too. Busted up the other girls. I gave him an earful before we came over. If Japan loses because of him, I swear I will hunt him down in the Rukon and beat his ass."

Everyone at the table stared, wide-eyed. Ichigo spat out his noodles and squawked, "You died?!"

"Yup." Karin looked around the table. "Hey, Tōsh, pass the soy sauce, will you?"

Tōshirō complied, eyeing Karin oddly. "You're awfully calm about this."

Karin shrugged. "Eh, what're you gonna do? Dead is dead, and I got the World Cup twice. A threepeat would've been awesome, but I achieved my life goal twice. I can't really complain. I figure I'll find _something_ to do over here."

Ichigo recovered from his inarticulate flailing enough to say, "But you're dead?!"

Karin rolled her eyes. "Yes, Ichi-nii. Hmm, do you know how to get in touch with Urahara? I should probably send a message to Yuzu. Let her and the kids know I'm okay." She slurped her ramen. "This is delicious."

"Okay?!" Ichigo said with a pained face. "But you're dead!"

"So are you. I thought we covered that subject already."

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched. Tōshirō gripped his shoulder and grounded him. Ichigo forcibly calmed himself and covered his face with his hands. Of course his sister was nonchalant about dying in a horrible, quadruple fatality bus accident involving the Japanese women's soccer team. Of course she was more concerned about her team winning than being dead. Of course.

Kūkaku recovered. "Welcome home!" She turned to Shiroganehiko and hollered, "Sake! Let's celebrate!"

"You already had a whole bottle, Kūkaku," Tōshirō said mildly.

"So what? That was normal sake." Kūkaku raised a hand to her mouth and shouted after Shiroganehiko, who had already left to follow her order. "The good stuff, the good stuff! Let's welcome Karin home with the good stuff!"

"Hell yeah!" Karin cheered.

Tōshirō sighed deeply and Ichigo quietly banged his head on the table.

§ x § x §

After she settled in, Karin decided to hold off on joining the shinigami academy in favor of learning the family art of blowing things up. This surprised absolutely no one. Time rolled by as Karin studied all the basics. Kūkaku was sane enough to not let Karin near spiritual explosives until she knew the chemistry and reiatsu theory behind them, at least.

One Friday when Karin was studying with multiple books and scrolls spread across the dinner table, Ichigo trudged in from work and flopped down across from her. She glanced at him, marked her place, and looked back up with a raised brow. "What has you so glum? Bad day at work?"

Ichigo sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "No, no. It's nothing."

Karin watched Ichigo gloomily pour some tea. "Liar. What's wrong?" After watching him for another moment, she asked, "Did you and Tōsh have a fight?"

"What? No, no."

Her eyes narrowed. "Now that I think about it, Tōshirō's been looking down, too. You sure you're not fighting?"

"No, Karin, we're not fighting," he growled.

"Then what's wrong? You look like a kicked puppy when you mope like this."

Ichigo rolled his eyes and sighed more forcefully. After a minute of thought, he sagged. "We're... disappointed, I guess. Frustrated. We had a plan and it's not going as well as we thought it would."

Karin cradled her head in her hands and stared at him. "Okay, now I'm really curious. What kind of plan? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, not really. Or I don't think so? I dunno." Ichigo leaned on one elbow and stared at his cup, swirling the tea within. "Tōshirō and I have been married for awhile, now," he began haltingly, "and we want kids. You know? And we obviously can't have any ourselves."

Karin blinked. "Oh. So you have a plan to get kids?"

"Yeah. We figured we'd find a kid with elevated reiatsu in the Rukon and adopt him or her. According to Tōshirō and all the others I know who started out in the Rukon- Rukia, Renji, Rangiku, Shuuhei, whoever- it can be hard to be a spiritually strong kid in the Rukon. Especially when it comes to getting food. So we thought we'd find a kid and get them out of that."

"Aww, that's sweet. So what's the problem?"

Ichigo scowled. "We can't find a kid." He downed his tea with one irritated gulp. Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. "Captains don't get a lot of opportunities to be out in the Rukon, and it's a big place, besides. Our friends know to look, too, but no luck. It's simple enough to go find the source of a reiatsu signature when you're out and about but you never know what's waiting for you at the other end. We mostly find adults and teenagers old enough to start at the academy. We found a few kids, yeah, but they had families and were doing well. We arranged for the ones who lived farther out to come to closer districts where they won't have as much trouble getting food, but that's all we've accomplished. We even try to do that for the kids who _aren't_ spiritually strong, but we can't adopt _them_ because we've been told a young, powerless soul could get... suffocated, kinda, in the constant presence of two captain-class souls. So all we can do is try to get them to a better location. Don't get me wrong- we're happy about doing that for them. We just... want a family, you know?"

"Yeah," Karin said quietly. "That's rough."

They sat in silence for a good twenty minutes. At that point, Tōshirō showed up, having finished his own work week. Karin watched him look at Ichigo hopefully. Ichigo shook his head slightly. Tōshirō's face fell.

Karin's heart twisted.

§ x § x §

Two weeks later found Karin highly pleased. She had gradually herded the neighborhood brats into a field and taught them to play soccer over the course of a month. When they were decent enough to play a real game, she recruited (read: ambushed and coerced) her brother-in-law to captain one of the scraggly teams to even out the competition. The kids wore out quickly and sat aside while the two friends initiated an impressive one-on-one scrimmage that did wonders for inspiring them to keep learning how to play.

The children wandered back to their homes as the sun set, leaving Tōshirō and Karin sprawled against a boulder while they stared up at the twilit sky. They sat in companionable silence for awhile.

At length, Karin ventured, "I talked with Ichi-nii about you two being down a couple weeks ago."

Tōshirō hummed. "He told me."

Karin rolled the soccer ball from hand to hand while she thought for a minute. "You really wanna be a dad, huh?"

Tōshirō hummed again. "Yeah. With Ichigo, at least." He settled more comfortably. "Ichigo was the first to bring it up. I was undecided. But then there was this time... about two years ago, now, I think... when he and I were leading our new recruits on a joint training mission in the World of the Living. Things went bad- we got to the site of a major Hollow attack too late to save some people. One of the dead was a little boy. He was terrified and wouldn't stop crying." Tōshirō pensively stared at his fingers as they fiddled with the hem of his yukata's sleeve. "When all the dangerous stuff was taken care of, Ichigo was the one to go to the spirit of the little boy. I watched Ichigo with him. He was so gentle. Kind of awkward, but he got the boy calmed down and just... held him. I had never seen Ichigo quite that way before. I mean, I had seen him with Yuzu's kids, but I wasn't looking at him through a... lens, I suppose, of potential parenthood. Seeing him with that child..." Tōshirō glanced up at her eyes and lightly touched his chest. Over his heart. "I wanted that. To share that. I want that more and more as time passes. You know?"

"Yeah," Karin nearly whispered. She felt like Tōshirō had bared his heart to her. They had been close friends for a couple years even before her brother had fumbled his way through asking Tōshirō to date him, so they had had moments like this now and then. It was always something almost sacred when it happened. It was like the bond of their friendship surfaced from beneath the layers of sarcasm and competitiveness they wrapped around their relationship. It was something to be respected.

After another couple minutes of silence, Karin prompted him with a quiet, "So it was your idea to look in Rukon?"

"Yeah," Tōshirō sighed. "I had it easier than most young souls with elevated reiatsu. Granny made sure I never went hungry. Matsumoto once told me she nearly starved to death in an outer district. If you get them drunk enough, Kuchiki and Abarai tell stories about the gang they made for stealing food. About getting very good at evasive maneuvers to avoid being caught and beaten."

Karin hummed in sympathy. "I can see why you'd want to get a kid out of that."

"Yeah." He frowned and tugged on a loose thread.

Karin eyed him. "There's something more, isn't there?"

"Mm." Tōshirō hesitated, looking at her uncertainly for a moment before turning to face the sky. "Even if you have enough to eat, having powers when you're a child in the Rukon can be... difficult. Especially if you are particularly strong."

Karin waited a second, then asked, "Speaking from experience?"

"Yeah." He sighed forcefully. "The souls without powers don't necessarily understand that a soul not wearing a shihakusho can have powers. They just sense something... different, other... and react accordingly."

"...Shunning?" Karin guessed.

"Mm." He focused on the sliver of the moon peeking through the dimming sky. "But also..." Tōshirō trailed off in thought.

"What?"

Tōshirō pursed his lips. "I got out of that by going to the academy. That option is always available. But I think... In an ideal world, even if I did have reiatsu strong enough to endanger normal souls, I should not have had to go to the academy as soon as I did. And other children shouldn't have to, either. I think the children who have strong reiatsu should be invited into Seireitei- either to be adopted or to move their existing families into a place where their power won't be a problem. If they're a danger to their families, then they can be taught the basics of reiatsu control. Maybe given something like that power-sucking eyepatch of Zaraki's, but less disturbing. Not tossed into a military academy. I really question the wisdom of the adults who decided to admit me to the academy so young. And I wasn't the first child to go through there, either."

"Have they changed the policy since then?"

Tōshirō hummed a negative. "Not yet. I've filed a motion to reconsider that now that I have some measure of... tenure, I guess, as a captain. It's been passed to a committee," he said drily.

Karin snorted. "So they punted it off to die in obscurity."

"They're in for a rude awakening if they think I'll let that happen," he retorted. Karin saw something fierce in his eyes. "I had hoped to let reason carry the day, but I guess I'll have to bring out my secret weapon."

"Oh? What's that?"

Tōshirō smirked. "Your brother. You should have seen his face when I explained it all to him."

Karin returned the smirk. "Rage?"

"Oh, yes." Tōshirō closed his eyes and smiled like the cat that caught the canary. "You know how Ichigo is when he has a cause. Especially if that cause is protecting children. And he's good at speaking passionately and convincing people of things by sheer force of personality."

Karin actually clapped her hands in delight. "Oh my God, you devious fiend, they don't stand a chance. You're a genius."

Tōshirō positively preened. "Thank you."

Another few minutes passed by as they lounged and listened to the crickets take over for the cicadas. Eventually, Karin said, "But that still doesn't solve the problem of you two having a kid, does it?"

"Not in the near term, no," Tōshirō conceded. "Maybe eventually. But for now, the only kids we find with notable reiatsu have families and are well-provided for. It's left me in a very... strange position."

"Oh?"

Tōshirō's mouth twisted down unhappily. "I'm happy that so far, there don't seem to be any children in the position a lot of shinigami originally from the Rukon came from. That they're not hungry or lonely or facing the academy as an only alternative. But..." He trailed off and looked down, almost ashamed.

Karin stared at him and weighed his body language. "But you're also unhappy that there aren't any, because it means you and Ichigo don't have kids."

Tōshirō's only answer was a sigh.

Karin's frown stayed with her for quite awhile that night.

A half-formed idea floated around in her head. She set it aside for future consideration.

§ x § x §

Another two months passed. Tōshirō became a regular at Karin's improvised soccer clinic. Hesitant at first, he soon began to quietly enjoy teaching the children. Karin filed away every careful example, gentle correction, smile of encouragement, and firm frown of discipline she observed.

Tōshirō would be the quiet, patient parent, she thought. He would thrive in quiet time and comfort, in nurturing curiosity and firmly instilling responsibility.

Ichigo, she thought, would be the more openly enthusiastic and playful parent. He would be the one more likely to go to ridiculous lengths to entertain a child, teaching his child by example as he passionately interacted with the world.

Each balanced the other so well. Both would provide a base of strong morals and kindness. Each was proof that fierce strength and gentle affection could comfortably exist in one person. They had flaws, yes, but each was capable of reining in the other and their marriage was built on a foundation of respect that meant if one called the other out on something, they at least considered the other's opinion. They were good men, good leaders, good role models. They would be wonderful parents, especially for children who could someday grow up to be shinigami.

It was a damn shame that luck wasn't with them.

The long days of midsummer sabotaged their judgment of what time it was, the sky still light at eight in the evening. Ichigo appeared at Karin's side as she watched a group of kids practicing dribbling the ball back and forth across the field.

"Hey. Dinner's almost ready." He watched the kids. "They've improved. Good job, Coach."

Karin laughed. "Thanks. And thanks. I'll call Tōsh- ooh, _look_ at him."

Ichigo followed her glance to his husband, who was kneeling by a girl who looked at most five years old.

"She's new but as stubborn as me," Karin whispered conspiratorially. "Determined to kick the ball straight or die trying. Tōshirō's been working with her for an hour."

"An hour?" Ichigo asked with amusement.

"Yep. She keeps closing her eyes before she kicks the ball. It's adorable."

They watched the girl scowl down at the ball as Tōshirō knelt half-behind her and lightly guided her foot in an arc to the correct place to kick it. They couldn't hear his quiet words, but the little girl nodded seriously and trotted away. Tōshirō said something else to her and pointed at his eyes, then the ball. He rested one finger lightly on top of the ball. The little girl scrunched up her fists, nodded, and ran forward, keeping her eyes on Tōshirō's hand. This time she kicked the ball, _then_ closed her eyes. It was a weak kick, but it rolled between the two sticks serving as improvised goal posts.

Ichigo threw his hands up and bellowed, "GOOOOAL!"

The little girl startled, eyes flying open to look for the shouting stranger. She stared at Ichigo and Karin cheering, the other children joining in for fun. Tōshirō touched her shoulder to get her attention and pointed to the ball. The little girl gasped and squealed, then threw herself at Tōshirō. Tōshirō laughed aloud and patted her head.

Tōshirō looked up and met Ichigo's eyes. They smiled at one another over the cheering children.

A damn shame.

She made up her mind.

§ x § x §

While the guys spent many weekends at the Shiba compound outside the walls of Seireitei, they lived in a house of their own in the city proper during the week. Karin suckered an invitation out of them by complaining that she hadn't visited their city house since her death. Ichigo said she could come if she didn't bring up that subject anymore, thank you very much. Karin replied that she was fine with that, you are quite welcome. Tōshirō eyed her suspiciously but made no comment. So she had gone with them when they went home late Sunday night.

Karin spent the work day alone in the guys' house, alternating between reading, lazing by the koi pond, and nervously flitting around the house straightening things. Around seven, her brother appeared, dragged a spluttering Tōshirō into the house (he had probably been forcibly removed from his office), and cheerfully ran off to get takeout. After he changed clothes, Tōshirō stood in a doorway and watched Karin setting the table.

Karin could feel his stare between her shoulders. She glanced at him irritably. "What?"

Tōshirō narrowed his eyes. "You're nervous."

"Am not."

"You're up to something."

" _Am not_."

"Riiiiiight. I believe you."

"Jerk."

"Brat."

After another long minute in which Karin avoided his eyes and rearranged the chopsticks and plates half a dozen times, he quietly asked, "Is something wrong?"

"What? No! No, no. I just... had an idea. That I've been thinking about. You know. Something I want to talk to you and Ichi-nii about. See what you think."

He stared at her keenly, arms crossed against his chest. At length, he said, "It's something big, isn't it?"

She fiddled with a napkin. "Maybe?"

Tōshirō frowned, then sighed. "I'll make some tea. A lot of tea."

After an awkward dinner during which Ichigo watched Karin avoid Tōshirō's eyes, they settled at the table with tea.

"Tōshirō said you wanted to talk to us about something, get our opinion," Ichigo began when no one else did. "What's going through that head of yours?"

Karin looked at her tea shyly for a moment, then steeled herself and sat upright. "I've been thinking." She looked each in the eye. "Correct me if I'm wrong: Your adoption search isn't going well. It looks like you're not going to find a kid anytime soon."

Ichigo flinched and Tōshirō scowled. "Is this really the time for-?"

"Am I right?" Karin plowed ahead.

"Yeah," Ichigo said tiredly.

Tōshirō simply worked his jaw and directed a silent look that screamed _how dare you_ at her.

"But you two really want a kid."

"Yeah."

"Like, _really_ want a kid. Desperately want a kid."

"Well, I wouldn't say desperate, but yeah, we really want a kid. Where are you going with this?"

Tōshirō continued to seethe.

Karin steadied her breathing and carefully asked, "Have you considered anything besides adoption?"

Both men blinked and drew up short in surprise.

"No?" Ichigo ventured.

Confused, Tōshirō asked, "What other option could there be for us? We can't just have a baby ourselves like straight couples do."

"Yeah, actually, you can."

Tōshirō's confusion intensified. "What are you talking about?"

Karin focused on rotating her teacup back and forth and took a fortifying breath. "Have you considered using a surrogate?"

Ichigo drew in a sharp breath. Tōshirō looked at him, then back at Karin. "A surrogate? A surrogate what?"

Seeing that her brother was gaping at her- probably guessing where she was going with this- she explained to Tōshirō, "A surrogate m-mother. To carry a baby for you. Like, _your_ baby."

Tōshirō stared at her, stunned. "That's possible?" He turned to his husband. "That's actually possible?!"

Ichigo nodded, still staring at her.

Dumbfounded, Tōshirō looked between his husband and his sister-in-law in a daze. "B-but who would do something like that for us?"

Ichigo stared at her in disbelief. Yeah, he knew where she was going with this.

Karin could feel her face burning. "I was th-thinking I could. Do it. Have a b-baby for you, I mean. Um."

Tōshirō gaped like a fish. It would have been comical had the topic been any less serious.

"Karin, you can't," Ichigo said in a breathless whisper.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Ichi-nii. I'm a grown woman and I know my body. If I think I can have a baby, I can have a baby."

"No, no, you don't get it," Ichigo breathed. "This is too much. That would be asking too much. Karin, you can't be serious."

Karin scowled. "I wouldn't offer if it was too much to give. I've been thinking about this for a couple months now."

"Karin-"

"Shut it. Listen to me. You idiots are my brothers. You are obviously hurting. You have a problem and I am capable of solving it. I _want_ to help you solve it. Because I love you dorks, okay? And every time I see you interact with kids, it _pisses me off_ that you can't find one despite how hard you are trying. You _deserve_ to be parents, dammit, and any kid would be _blessed_ to have you as parents." Wow. She was angrier for them than she had realized. She scrubbed her face with her hand and forced her breathing to calm, then sat straight. Defiant. "So, yes, I am dead serious. If you want a baby, I want to have your baby for you."

The men stared, speechless. Karin fidgeted, downed her tea, fiddled with the empty cup, poured herself some more. When she looked up at them, they were still gaping at her. "Well?"

Tōshirō's mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to squeak out, "How- Uh, how would that even work?" He looked down at his fingers around his own teacup, face pinking. "Making a baby- i-it implies- s-sex, right? Even for a b-baby, I don't think I can- It w-wouldn't be right-"

Karin and Ichigo sprayed tea all over each other with the force of their incredulous laughter.

"Oh my God, Tōsh, no, _no way_ , I don't want to have sex with you. Oh my God, this is priceless."

Ichigo couldn't breathe. Karin stood and started beating his back through her own tears of laughter.

Tōshirō scowled, bright red. "What?" he snarled. "I know where babies come from."

Ichigo wheezed and silently beat the table with a fist.

Karin dissolved into giggles. "You're precious, Tōsh. Never change."

" _What?_ Women can't get pregnant without sex, right? _Right?_ "

"Science marches on, Tōsh."

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!"

"It means doctors can make me pregnant with your baby without you even touching me."

"...How the hell does _that_ work?!"

Ichigo slumped out of his chair and oozed onto the floor, weakly convulsing with laughter.

Tōshirō glared for a few moments. Sullenly, he mourned, "This is one of those things that I would get if I was born in the same generation as you, isn't it?"

Ichigo nodded emphatically, wiping his eyes. Karin grinned and gave him a thumbs up. "Got it in one, Grandpa!"

Tōshirō rolled his eyes so hard he thought he'd strain something.

It took half an hour for the siblings to calm down enough to explain the science of it all to Tōshirō.

"Okay. So. Basically, a doctor would take sperm from me and an egg from you, combine them... with science... and put the fertilized egg in your uterus to grow into a baby like usual. Right?"

Karin nodded.

Tōshirō stared at her for a long moment.

"What?"

Quietly, he said, "You're saying you would give us your baby? That's..." He looked bewildered. Awed. "For us? Ichigo's right- that's asking too much."

"Not if I'm offering. And as far as I'm concerned, this hypothetical baby would be yours from conception. Daddy and Daddy." She gestured at the two of them. "I would just be the special auntie helping you out because neither of you has a handy-dandy uterus of your own to carry your hypothetical baby in while he or she grows. Of course, this means I am given Favorite Auntie privileges by default. I hereby claim the right to spoil the kid rotten and hand him or her off to you when he or she gets all screamy and messy and starts throwing up on everything. Their rebellious teenage years _will_ be filled with the dulcet tones of 'I bet Auntie Karin would let me do that!'" Karin grinned. "God, just picture a kid made of a combination of me and Tōshirō. Boy or girl, you'll get a mouthy brat who's good at kicking things and bleeds sarcasm."

"Are you trying to talk us _into_ or _out of_ this plan?" Tōshirō snarked. He couldn't hide the small smile tugging at his lips, though. Ichigo looked misty-eyed.

Karin's face went serious once more. She leaned across the table and took each of their hands in one of her own. "I'm serious about this. It breaks my heart seeing you hurting for a family. I would love to help you. Like I said, I've thought about this for a couple months now. You don't have to decide tonight. Think about it, yeah?"

The men looked at one another. "Yeah. We will."

§ x § x §

The guys kicked up the intensity of their adoption search for the next couple months. Karin didn't say anything about it and wasn't insulted. She understood their motive- they didn't want to ask something so momentous of her unless it was absolutely necessary. They wouldn't turn to her until they convinced themselves she was their only promising option to become fathers. She respected them for it- could see herself take that path if she was in the same situation.

Karin could tell when the fruitless searching started wearing on them in earnest, though. They began to look tired. She would catch one or the other of them looking at her thoughtfully in a quiet moment, or notice Ichigo standing back from the clearing that had become her little soccer field to wistfully watch Tōshirō teaching the children, then slide his eyes over to her.

She waited for them. As much as she wished they would stop hurting themselves and come to her, she knew it had to be their decision.

§ x § x §

Tōshirō and Ichigo came home from a three-day trip through the outer Rukon districts late at night and barely paused to change before collapsing into bed. Ichigo lay on his back and Tōshirō sprawled across him. Though Tōshirō had ( _finally_ ) had a surprise growth spurt in the several years following the Winter War and now looked about twenty ( _hallelujah_ ), he was still on the short and wiry side compared to his husband, whose frame had gotten taller and broader by the time of his human death at age twenty-two. It irritated him sometimes, but he could comfortably lay on Ichigo's chest without suffocating him. He told himself it was an even trade. Tōshirō was particularly glad of it tonight. Laying on Ichigo while Ichigo rubbed his back was comforting. He needed comfort.

Still no luck. They had found a pair of teenagers with moderate reiatsu in South Seventy-First district, but they were an older boyfriend and girlfriend and decided to make their own unhurried way to Seireitei to join the academy. The two didn't trust the couple as far as they could spit- understandable, considering the district the they grew up in. Ichigo and Tōshirō had found a group of three children in South Seventy-Fourth district, but none of them had any reiatsu to speak of. Taking them to a makeshift orphanage they sponsored in East Fifth district had been satisfying- seeing children who had survived the hardscrabble outer districts by the skin of their teeth lighting up when they were given new clothes and their first pair of shoes, realizing they didn't need to look over their shoulders constantly, was always priceless. But they still failed to find a child of their own. Ever since the day Karin made her offer, the futility of their search had weighed heavier on their consciousness. So there they lay, trying to comfort each other through discouragement. Again.

They had lain together for nearly twenty minutes when Ichigo quietly declared, "We can't keep doing this, Tōshirō."

"Mm."

"We're going to destroy ourselves."

Another mournful "Mm." Tōshirō slowly wrapped his arms around Ichigo's neck and pressed his head closer to Ichigo's chest. He had thought the same thing for weeks but saying it aloud was too painful, too much an admission of defeat. Too final.

Ichigo took several deep breaths, preparing himself. Tōshirō could guess what he was going to say. Ichigo licked his lips nervously, swallowed hard, and whispered, "I think we should... seriously consider Karin's offer."

Tōshirō closed his eyes and breathed deeply for several moments. Finally, he whispered, "I agree."

It felt like a death knell for their dream.

They had made plans. Read about adoption and how it affected children. Prepared a bedroom with plain ivory walls and sparse furniture for an older child to make their own however they wanted- well, within reason. Anticipated talking a child out of choosing an outrageous color for the walls. Admitted they'd probably give in, anyway. Purchased a few sizes of generic children's clothing and shoes. Discussed disciplinary strategy. Debated at length the wisdom of training a child in basic self-defense as a potential precursor for the academy and concluded it would depend on the temperament of the child. Worked out how to handle a couple children at once if they found a group like Rukia and Renji's. Considered educational options. Looked into activities for children of various ages to participate in within Seireitei. Concocted ways to introduce a child to the Shiba family and their more eccentric friends without traumatizing them. Decided to declare the day they found a child the child's birthday if the child didn't know their true birthday. Even made tentative plans for the child's first meal in their home. Imagined a Rukon district child's reaction to seeing Seireitei's shining white spires for the first time, to eating new foods and eating until they were full, to having and choosing toys and books for the first time. Painted a sunny picture of the family they would build and how they would build it.

Gone.

Just... gone.

Tōshirō heard Ichigo sniff hard, felt him reach up to his cheek to wipe away tears Tōshirō hadn't realized he had shed.

"Having a baby would be different from what we planned, but still good. Really good," Ichigo murmured thickly.

"Yeah."

"We knew finding a baby in the Rukon was possible... Rukia... So a baby wasn't out of the question to start with. Unlikely, but not impossible."

"I know," Tōshirō agreed. "A baby would- _will_ be wonderful." He drew one hand down from Ichigo's shoulders to grasp the hand Ichigo was resting against Tōshirō's cheek. Squeezed. "It's just... it's over. You know?" he rasped.

"Yeah. It feels like... leaving something unfinished. Something really important."

"Like giving up."

"Almost like... like we're betraying some kid out there we just haven't f-found yet. Like there's a little boy or girl waiting out there who will go h-hungry because we got _tired_."

"Mm."

They lay in silence for a long time, each mentally sifting through the imagined scenes that wouldn't happen, solemnly folding them and tucking them away with care. Maybe they could be brought out again someday. Maybe.

"I've been having a recurring dream these last few weeks," Ichigo confessed quietly over an hour later. Tōshirō hummed an inquiry. "You know that little girl you help at Karin's soccer dictatorship? The really little blonde one who kept closing her eyes?"

Tōshirō snorted and scrubbed his eyes with the heel of one hand. "Yeah?"

Ichigo wrapped his arms around Tōshirō's waist. "I keep dreaming about the day you got her to kick the ball straight. When I yelled 'goal' and she nearly burst your eardrums with squealing, remember?"

Tōshirō's lips twitched. "Yeah."

"But in the dream, the girl has black hair like Karin's. And when she hugs you, she squeals, 'I did it, Daddy, I did it!' And then she turns to me and asks, 'Daddy, did you see? Did you see?'"

Warmth built in Tōshirō's heart. "I like the sound of that," he whispered with a wet smile in his voice.

"Me, too."

Tōshirō lifted himself, folded his arms on Ichigo's chest, and rested his chin on them. He looked into Ichigo's eyes. Both were smiling slightly. Still sad, but shifting their determination. Bandaging wounds and moving on lest they fester.

"Let's have a baby, Ichigo."

Ichigo grinned. "Yeah."

Tōshirō's affectionate smile shifted into a smirk. "You know, most spouses would be furious if their husband bluntly declared that he intended to get their sister pregnant."

Ichigo laughed and used his thumbs to rub the tear tracks from Tōshirō's face. "Good thing I'm not most spouses, then."

They kissed for a bit, slowly at first and then more enthusiastically. Ichigo thought it felt like making a new promise. Their first dream had been shelved; time for their new dream to unfold.

The next time they came up for air, Ichigo breathed, "We need to talk to Karin."

Tōshirō hummed, pulled himself up, and sat back to straddle his husband's waist. "We'll have to try to find a good time this weekend."

"Wanna get started right away, huh?"

"Yeah. Even if Karin got pregnant tomorrow, we'd have another nine months of waiting ahead of us."

"Impatient much?"

"Maybe? But not really." Tōshirō trailed his fingers around Ichigo's chest and smiled. "More like... excited."

"Ha, I'm with you there."

§ x § x §

The time came that late summer Friday. Karin and Tōshirō were lounging on what had become their boulder after another evening of soccer. After a long stretch of companionable silence, Tōshirō haltingly said, "About... your offer. To help us h-have a baby."

Karin turned to look at him. He was blushing and resolutely staring at the dimming sky. "What about it?"

Tōshirō swallowed hard. "Are you- are you still willing? To have a- my- our- my- _our_ \- a b-baby?"

She wanted to tease him about the faltering so badly but had the good sense not to. Maybe she'd tell his kid about it someday and get the teasing in then. Actually, that sounded great. It would completely blindside him. "Absolutely," she answered without hesitation.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. Okay. Good. Okay."

Karin slid her hand over his and squeezed. She could feel his hand trembling. "You and Ichi-nii are going to be such great dads."

Tōshirō looked at her and grinned wryly. "I hope so."

§ x § x §

The next three months were the most intensely embarrassing of her combined life and afterlife. Karin had required zero convincing to avoid Twelfth Division, having encountered its captain during a celebration some years before, but the combination of Kisuke Urahara in _ooh-a-scientific-challenge_ mode, needles full of hormones, her reproductive organs, and her nether regions was its own special hell. She was comforted by the sheer mortification on Tōshirō's face whenever he reappeared after a visit to the shop. Misery loves company and all that.

But she wouldn't have to deal with that anymore. She needed to visit Fourth Division to make it official, but Karin was certain that the third attempt was the proverbial charm. Kūkaku's tutelage regarding reiatsu and reishi had taught her a new awareness of her own soul. Karin could sense that its balance had shifted inward, some of her reishi cocooning a small point low in her abdomen.

She was pregnant. She was sure of it.

That evening, Ichigo and Tōshirō came home to find their house already lit up. They found Karin sitting at their kitchen table drinking tea.

"I brought you a present," she said before they could get a word out. Karin waved her hand at a large bottle of expensive sake festooned with curled ribbons. "I can't have any, though." She looked at them sideways and winked. "It wouldn't be good for the baby."

Tōshirō dropped his entire armload of documents and gasped as Ichigo whooped and swept her up in a hug.

Soon she was laughing while her brother knelt and cried into her abdomen. "Oh, come on, Ichi-nii, is fatherhood going to make you blubber like Goat-Face?"

At the word "fatherhood," Ichigo cried harder.

Karin laughed more, giddy, then turned aside when she felt a hand on her arm. Tōshirō had stepped close and was looking at her with raw emotion in his eyes. He swallowed, squeezed her shoulder, and rasped, "Thank you." He slowly wrapped his arms around her and leaned into her, eyes closed. " _Thank you_ ," he whispered.

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

A/N: What is this even I don't know I have other things to be doing but now I'm emotionally invested hnnnnnng why must I be required to adult when this is nesting in my head whyyyyy send help *drowns in this story*

Let me know what you think in a review, yeah? D:

(enable me, enable me, enable me, enable me)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is done so I may as well post it LOL. /impatient

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

CHAPTER TWO

They had carted the sake over to the Shiba compound. Upon hearing the happy news, Kūkaku had cheered and broken out more of the good stuff. Karin, being Karin, had happily encouraged everyone to get sloshed on her behalf (read: for her own entertainment). Everyone but Karin got soused. Even Tōshirō had ended up drunk, much to Karin's glee.

Tōshirō woke slowly the next morning in the throes of a hangover. When he was conscious enough, he took stock of his surroundings without moving, one fact at a time. He was in the suite he shared with Ichigo at the Shiba compound. It was probably mid-morning. He was probably late for work. He was still fully dressed and sloppily sprawled across his husband's chest, face-down. He had drunk more liquor the night before than he had since the night he proposed to Ichigo.

Karin was pregnant. He was going to be a father.

His breath caught in his throat all over again.

Karin was carrying his baby. Their baby. His and Ichigo's baby. It was really happening.

 _He was going to be a father._

Lightheaded and giddy in a way that had nothing to do with alcohol, Tōshirō propped himself up and looked at his husband.

Totally passed out.

Well, that wouldn't do. Tōshirō grabbed one of Ichigo's ears and twisted hard. Ichigo woke with a spluttering roar. Tōshirō pushed him back down on the bed. "Ichigo. Ichigo!"

"Bwuh?!"

"Ichigo, wake up!" Tōshirō shook him and grinned like a child on Christmas morning.

Ichigo blearily squinted up at him. "Stop spinnin' aroun', Shiro."

"That's your hangover, idiot!" Even his insults were suffused with joy.

"Hnng?"

"Karin's pregnant! We're going to have a baby! We're going to be fathers!"

Ichigo stared up at him for a moment, took a moment to get his brain fully online to remember the night before, and burst out in delighted laughter. He grabbed Tōshirō's shoulders and pulled him down for an enthusiastic kiss, then rolled them to the side. It immediately turned into an impromptu makeout session interspersed with happy laughter. Five minutes into it, Ichigo broke away and staggered to their bathroom to throw up. Tōshirō lay in bed snickering through his pounding headache.

Half an hour later, following a shower and Tōshirō's turn at hangover vomiting, the couple dragged themselves into the dining room. They found a perfectly chipper Karin holding court over a barely-alive Kūkaku and Ganju, whom Koganehiko and Shiroganehiko were force-feeding broth.

"Good morning, sunshine." Karin smiled knowingly at her brothers. "Aren't I the one who's supposed to be throwing up in the morning?"

Tōshirō snorted and Ichigo grunted and flopped his head onto the table. Karin pushed a bottle of pills over to Tōshirō and poured two new cups of tea.

Tōshirō tossed back the painkillers and downed his tea gratefully. "What time is it?"

Karin's beatific smile widened. "Eleven-thirty-five."

"Crap." Tōshirō sighed and massaged his temples.

"You have a good excuse to be late for once in your life, Mr. Responsible," she commented with amusement. "It's not every day a man learns he's going to be a daddy."

His face relaxed into a dreamy grin. "Yeah."

Tōshirō spent the next half hour alternately coaxing and bullying his husband to drink tea and broth. Comments were made about Tōshirō having practice caring for a whiny baby. Tōshirō had just gotten to the point where he thought he could eat more than a single plain onigiri himself when everyone heard the front door slam open. Sensing his lieutenant's agitated reiatsu, Tōshirō preemptively slapped a scowl on his face.

Rangiku Matsumoto dramatically swept into the dining room. "Captain! Are you all right?!"

Tōshirō glared. "What are you talking about?"

"I woke up from my nap and you still weren't in the office! I went to your house, and your papers were all over the floor! In a mess! It's not like you! Were you attacked?!"

Ganju and Ichigo whimpered at her volume.

"Quiet down, Matsumoto." Tōshirō grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm fine. I guess I dropped the papers when I was surprised."

"Surprised?" Rangiku squinted at everyone around the table. Her eyes went wide. "Captain! You're hung over!" She looked utterly delighted. Then her face fell in dismay. "Did you have a party without me?!"

Tōshirō heaved a long-suffering sigh.

Karin, social sadist as she was, cheerfully answered, "Yep! Wild party. Tōshirō was so drunk he was giggling all over Ichi-nii and kept hugging me."

"Was _not_."

"Was so. You were on cloud nine and the booze removed the stick up your ass so you could actually show it."

Rangiku pouted. "Aww, Karin, you should have called me. I thought we were friends." She perked up. "Pictures?"

" _Matsumoto_."

"Sorry, nope."

"Awwww." Rangiku wandered up to the table and helped herself to an onigiri. "So what was the surprising, super-happy occasion?"

Karin waited for Rangiku to take a bite, then casually said, "I'm pregnant with Tōshirō's baby."

Rangiku choked.

They explained, but Rangiku only paid attention to the very basics before glossing over it all in favor of squealing, "Captain's going to be a daddy! Tenth Division should have a party!" She looked at Ichigo, who remained semi-conscious. "And Eighth, too! A party to celebrate the new baby! With lots of booze!"

"Matsumoto, _please_. No."

"Awww, but _you_ had a fun boozy party for the baby."

Tōshirō sighed. "That's different, Matsumoto. It was private. I'm not sure we want to tell everyone yet, anyway."

Rangiku sulked. "But I wanna tell everyone and have fun. We know how badly you've wanted a child. Everyone will be so happy for you."

"No, Ran, keep it quiet for now," Kūkaku finally spoke up. She and Rangiku had become drinking buddies since meeting at Ichigo and Tōshirō's wedding. "It's a unique situation involving two captains and a noble house. You know how nosy the rank and file of the Thirteen Divisions are, not to mention the nobility. They won't have any peace. Let them keep the news to themselves until it gets obvious." She pointed at Karin's abdomen.

"Oh." Rangiku pouted. "I understand." She looked glum for a minute before cheering up and practically diving into a place at the table on Ichigo's other side. After a deep breath, she grabbed Ichigo's shoulder and shook him in time with a barrage of questions. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?! Oh, oh, when is it due?! Have you thought of any names?! Do you have any baby clothes?! Baby shopping will be so fun! Ahhh, have you planned the nursery yet?! You need to pick colors and furniture and flooring and and-! I can help, I can help! Oooh, and I bet the baby will be so cute! Captain was a such an adorable little thing! And Captain Shiba showed me baby pictures of all you kids! So cute! I can't wait to meet the baby!"

Ichigo gurgled ominously. Karin calmly overturned the large bowl of onigiri, then righted it and passed it to Tōshirō, who got in front of his husband just in time to keep him from throwing up all over the table.

"You're such a lightweight, Ichigo!" Rangiku laughed. Kūkaku and Karin joined her.

Tōshirō sighed.

§ x § x §

The guys reluctantly dragged themselves back to Seireitei that afternoon. Karin had jokingly accused them of hovering and told them she promised not to give birth before their weekend visit. Ichigo was still too hung over to do anything but flop on his desk and sign whatever Chad put in front of him, but Tōshirō was used to working through headaches and managed to have a somewhat productive afternoon. Rangiku's constant knowing, catlike smile began to wear on him, though. But he could tolerate it because of the baby.

Because of the baby. Wow.

Both men felt better by evening, but not well enough to cook. They spent their evening looking out at the mid-November moonrise as they slowly ate takeout.

"Rangiku was right," Ichigo said after awhile.

"Hmm?"

"We have a lot to think about. A lot of planning to do. Nine months takes us to, what, next August?"

Tōshirō hummed agreement. "We have some time, at least. There's more involved than with adopting an older child. Or at least different things. Just choosing a good name for our baby feels like a huge responsibility."

"A good name for our baby," Ichigo echoed wondrously. " _Our baby_. Wow. Wow. I don't think it's completely sunk in, yet."

His husband grinned and held his hand. "Yeah."

§ x § x §

They thought going to the Shiba compound on Friday evening would be different somehow, but it was mostly the same. Karin didn't look any different, remained sassy as ever, and still held the neighborhood children in awe of her in her little soccer field kingdom. The only major difference aside from their anxious glances at her (and her obvious amusement about them) was that she didn't have sake with Kūkaku after dinner.

Karin took them aside after breakfast the next morning, though. "I have one major new rule about this." She gestured at her stomach.

"And this is just coming up now why...?" asked Tōshirō.

"Because I just thought of it. The things Rangiku was saying have been rolling around in my head."

"Oh, God."

"What rule?" asked Ichigo.

"I get veto power on names to keep you two from being idiots and dooming the kid to endless teasing."

Ichigo rocked his head back and forth as though weighing the sentiment. "Fair enough."

Tōshirō couldn't help himself. "You mean like naming a boy Ichigo, no matter how apt the kanji are?"

"Exactly."

Ichigo scowled. "Shut up."

§ x § x §

The initial weeks of Karin's pregnancy rolled by quickly and without much change. She only really noticed some weight gain when she dug out her fancy New Year kimono in mid-December and tried it on in preparation for the living side of the family visiting for the holiday. Even then, it wasn't snug. It just fit her a bit differently than she remembered. She smiled all the same, though- even that small change meant the baby was growing. Though she hadn't admitted it to anyone, she had been worried.

Three days before the new year, Tōshirō and Ichigo joined Tōshirō's sister Momo and their grandmother to clean their childhood house. With three shinigami to help, the seasonal cleaning was done within a few hours. They then bundled up and escorted Granny to the Shiba compound for the now-yearly big family gathering. Holidays at the Shiba compound had been lonely affairs for decades, but no more. After dinner, Ichigo and Tōshirō explained Karin's pregnancy to Tōshirō's family. It had confused them at first, but they were thrilled once they understood. Granny had teared up and looked happy beyond words. Momo had squealed and bounced and hugged everyone, crying that her Shiro-chan was going to be a daddy. It was one of the few times anyone could remember that Tōshirō made no effort to make her stop using that name, too swept up in happiness.

Granny drew Karin aside after breakfast the next morning. She carefully took Karin's hands in her own, wrinkled and callused from decades of sewing. Granny thanked her with misty eyes. "This means so much to my grandson. Thank you. _Thank you_. Now, remember: I am a seamstress." She smiled and patted Karin's hands, then nodded toward her abdomen. "When you need bigger clothes, just call me for a fitting. I'll take good care of you."

"Oh, no, that's sweet of you, but I couldn't ask that-"

"You're not asking, I'm offering." The little old lady laughed. "It would be an honor to make clothes for the woman who is helping my grandson become a father."

"Oh. W-well, when you put it that way... thanks!"

Granny laughed brightly. "Good, good! It will give me something to do to keep me from making too many baby clothes."

Karin laughed and rested a hand on her stomach. She wondered how soon she would require Granny's services. "This baby is going to be the best-dressed kid in Soul Society, isn't it?"

Granny, bless her heart, winked deviously at her. "You had better believe it."

Urahara's still-not-exactly-legal senkaimon dropped the Living World contingent of the family in Junrinan later that day. Isshin charged out the gate joyously howling about his baby having a baby. Karin clotheslined him as usual. Yuzu herded her three children through the gate, her husband Jinta hovering behind her. Ururu had volunteered to watch the shop, so the last three through the gate were Kisuke, Yoruichi, and Tessai. They greeted everyone and promptly disappeared with Kūkaku in search of booze, dragging Isshin behind them.

As always, Jinta looked hunted whenever he was in the general vicinity of Ichigo's sharp eyes. As always, Yuzu cheerfully shoved one of her adorable children in her brother's face to distract him while her husband slunk around the edges of the courtyard to go hang out with Ganju. The Kurosaki siblings greeted each other with fierce hugs. Ichigo and Tōshirō then lured the children into the house with promises of hot cocoa, leaving the girls to themselves.

The twins' reunion was tearful. "I've missed you so much, Karin," Yuzu whispered. "You were gone so suddenly."

"Yeah. Sorry about that." Karin decided sniffling was fine in front of her sister.

Yuzu shook her head. "Not your fault." She smiled and bounced through her tears, though. "But I hear you had perfect timing. Having a baby for Onii-chan and Tōshirō-nii when they most want one! You're amazing, Karin!"

Karin laughed awkwardly and glanced down at her abdomen. Her pregnancy still wasn't visible when she was clothed. "It just seemed like the right thing to do, you know? You should have seen them every time they came back without a kid. It broke my heart."

Yuzu hugged her tightly. "I think you've mended their hearts, then. They look so happy! You did that, Karin."

Karin hugged her back. "Let's just hope I'm as good at having babies as I am at playing soccer, yeah?"

Yuzu snorted into Karin's hair.

"Eww. Don't blow your nose on me."

Their bright laughter bounced around the courtyard.

§ x § x §

The twins claimed a couch to themselves, sipping hot cider and talking like old times, watching Yuzu's kids squealing happily while playing horsey with their Uncle Ichigo.

"I have a present for you," Yuzu said with a wink. She fished around in her bag and offered Karin a box. "Ta-da!"

Karin opened the box. Within was what appeared to be a normal smart phone with no brand insignia. "Dude. Will this even work here?"

"Yep!" Yuzu was all smiles. "It's an Urahara special!"

"Ohhh, God."

"The batteries are rechargeable reishi cells. It communicates with a signal source via minute frequencies of reiatsu. Urahara made a router-like thingy to have in the house as a signal source. I have it here." Yuzu nudged her big bag of goodies. "With it, you can access the internet and cell phone networks in the World of the Living."

Karin stared at her sister skeptically. Eventually, she deadpanned, "It's illegal as fuck, isn't it?"

Yuzu's face dimpled. "You never know when it comes to things sold in Urahara Shop, do you?"

"You've gotten good at cutely giving sarcastic non-answers."

"Thank you." Yuzu demurely dipped her head. "I asked Urahara-san to do something like this so you can talk to me and see your team."

She hadn't expected that. "What about my team?"

Yuzu smirked and leaned her chin on one elbow. "How would _you_ say it? Hmmm. I know: They're kicking ass and taking names in your honor."

Glee flooded Karin's face. "Really?!"

"Last week they played a shutout against Germany. Five-zero."

Karin squealed and yanked the phone out of its box. "Is there a manual?!"

Yuzu grinned. "I'm holding it hostage until the day after New Year's. The batteries and router, too."

Karin gaped.

"You'd totally disappear for the whole holiday if I gave it to you now. My kids want to see their auntie, not a soccer-crazed cave troll."

"So why'd you give it to me now?!" Karin asked in dismay.

"Oh, just because." Yuzu twirled a strand of hair around her fingers.

"You wound me. You taunt me. You _are_ my sister."

Yuzu primly sipped her cider.

Karin mournfully closed the box and set it on the coffee table.

A few minutes later, Yuzu asked, "So, how is your pregnancy going?"

Karin shrugged. "Well, I suppose. Not much has happened yet."

"How far along are you?"

"Just over seven weeks."

Yuzu hummed a bit. "No wonder you're not showing yet."

"Well, I _am_ getting thick in the middle. My clothes hide most of it."

"Ah. The beginning always seems to go so slowly, then bam! You're constantly growing."

Karin poked her stomach with one finger then rubbed it experimentally. "So I should enjoy this while it lasts, huh?"

"Yup! Appreciate your feet, too. Six months from now you won't able to see them."

Karin held out her legs and wiggled her tabi-clad toes. "Six months, huh?"

Yuzu shrugged. "Give or take. Maybe sooner. Depends how big your baby is and how much weight you gain."

"Mm."

"Is your morning sickness very bad?" Yuzu sipped her cider. "I hope you don't get it like me. Being hooked up to an IV because you can't stop throwing up long enough to stay hydrated is _not fun_. It only got that severe six times in three pregnancies, but still. _Not fun_."

"Actually, I haven't had any morning sickness." Karin paused. "Well, certain smells make me a bit nauseous, but not very many and not very badly."

Yuzu pouted and poked Karin in the side. "You lucky bitch."

Karin gagged on her cider and shrieked in laughter.

§ x § x §

Aside from the adults knowing a new member of the family would be joining them next year and Karin not drinking, the New Year holiday passed in the usual fashion:

Yuzu's children were better-behaved than many of the adults. Even the toddler.

Ichigo, Karin, and Momo spent most of their time playing with Yuzu's children, sometimes joined by Tōshirō.

Isshin was ridiculous.

Pretty much everyone inflicted bodily harm on Isshin when he got _too_ ridiculous.

Even Momo.

(The first time Momo had finally lost it and punched Isshin in the jaw six years back, Karin and Ichigo had declared her assimilation into the family complete. Yuzu had presented her with a cupcake at dinner. Tōshirō had looked proud. Kūkaku and Ganju had cackled until they couldn't breathe.)

For some reason, Isshin was _terrified_ of possibly angering Granny and was on his best behavior around her. If anyone knew the story there, they weren't telling.

Yuzu smiled her father into submission one to three times a day.

Tōshirō, Ichigo, and Momo shivered and muttered something about Captain Unohana's secret apprentice every time Yuzu smiled Isshin into submission.

If anyone got sick of Isshin's antics, they invented reasons to be in the same room as Granny or Yuzu.

Tōshirō took headache medicine exactly as frequently as the directions on the package allowed, from two days before New Year's Day to two days after. He occasionally left the house and just stood in the snow for twenty minutes. Shibas were _loud_ even without gathering them all in one room. He could handle them much better than when he had first joined the family, but still.

Karin sulked because no one wanted to have a family soccer game in four inches of snow.

Karin had to be lectured out of starting a game of soccer indoors.

Kūkaku was sweet and motherly in the presence of Yuzu's kids to an extent that creeped out eighty percent of the adults present.

Yuzu and Granny traded sewing patterns and thread rare in their respective dimensions. This year, Yuzu brought baby clothing patterns to coo over. Granny looked calculating.

Tessai, Koganehiko, and Shiroganehiko had some kind of secret musclebound conference about tea, recipes, home remedies, and probably the trials, tribulations, and entertainment value in attending people who redefined "eccentric."

Momo, Karin, and Yuzu held their ninth annual Telling Embarrassing Childhood Stories About Our Brothers convention. Isshin would huddle in a corner eagerly listening and occasionally offer a story from when the girls had yet to be born or had been too small to remember anything. Granny was their master of ceremonies and even participated sometimes. Tōshirō and Ichigo couldn't bring themselves to tell the matriarch to stop it all, no matter how horrified they were.

Kūkaku, Yoruichi, and Urahara spent most of their time getting or staying totally blitzed, sometimes joined by various other adults, especially Ganju and Jinta. Occasionally, Rangiku could be found among them. No one ever knew how she got in. Tōshirō had long since tired of throwing her out. There was no point.

Tessai layered multiple strenuously complicated kido barriers and seals on the fireworks workshop to keep Urahara and Kūkaku from acting on any drunken ideas they cooked up. They inevitably got distracted trying to figure out how to unravel them and either wandered off bored or fell asleep. The Great Shiba Sky-High Conflagration repeat was staved off for another year. Mission accomplished.

In years past, Karin had been one of the drinkers. This year, she joined the drinkers to taunt and tease them instead of getting drunk herself.

Tōshirō, Momo, Yuzu, Koganehiko, Shiroganehiko, and Tessai were on Hangover Duty each morning while Granny entertained the kids. They were varying levels of helpful and sadistic as the mood and patient struck them. Karin joined them this year and thought it might be fun to do next year, too. Dumping cat-form Yoruichi into a pig's water trough from the roof and immediately sliding a half-conscious Urahara off the eaves above her was terribly entertaining. Yuzu and Momo were evil geniuses.

Tōshirō had to grab Ichigo by the scruff of the neck and drag him out of a room that contained Jinta at least once a day.

Jinta was masochistic enough to pick a fight with Ichigo at least once.

Ichigo was provoked into Seek And Destroy Jinta Mode at least once.

Ganju was sympathetic to Jinta's plight but had enough Shiba schadenfreude in his blood to hide him in places like haystacks and pigpens instead of some of the hidden rooms he knew about.

Yuzu's children had enough Shiba schadenfreude to think their father hiding in a pigpen was hilarious. Even the toddler.

Whenever Jinta and Ichigo were in the same room as Yuzu after an encounter, they cowered like puppies if she frowned at them.

New Year's Eve itself was like a wild festival.

It was as close to a "normal family gathering" as the extended Shiba family got. No one said anything aloud, but almost everyone wondered what interesting new developments would arise when the newest member of the family attended next year.

Karin would remember that particular New Year's Day morning forever. Whichever family members could maintain consciousness at dawn participated in the traditional viewing of the first sunrise of the year. It was a quaint, old-fashioned thing symbolizing anticipation for things that would happen in year to come that Karin usually found boring. This year, though, she saw her brothers out of the corner of her eye and really looked at them instead of spacing out as usual.

Ichigo stood tall, Tōshirō in front of him and leaning back against him with the crown of his head tucked under Ichigo's chin. They clasped hands tightly in front of them, Ichigo's arms wrapped around Tōshirō. Both men faced the first dawn of the new year with wild grins, fiercely hopeful and happy.

Karin couldn't help but smile. Maybe there was something to the tradition, after all.

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

A/N: I have, like, most of a third chapter done. Mostly. After that, I have random scenes and fragments that need chapters built around them. Man, I can't remember the last time I wrote this much in five days.

Please review and enable me :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This fic is eating my brain alive. There are things I should be doing. Like, real-world things. But my brain is stuck on this.

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

 **CHAPTER 3**

The first three weeks of the new year swept by in a happy haze. In that time, Karin's pregnancy became more obvious in unexpected ways

"I want cantaloupe."

Ichigo looked up from his and Tōshirō's chess game. Karin was bonelessly draped across a couch, a blanket around her shoulders, pouting dramatically.

"It's not even February. They won't grow here for months."

"But I want cantaloupe _now_."

"Karin. Cantaloupe's a summer fruit. It's snowing out."

"But I _need_ cantaloupe."

Ichigo faltered. "What do you want me to do? Take a senkaimon to the tropics and fetch some for you?"

"Yes. You're brilliant."

"I was kidding."

Karin was silent for a long moment. She looked down and settled a hand on her stomach. At ten weeks, her abdomen was much thicker and gently rounded. Karin looked up at her brother, frowned, and rubbed a circle into her belly for effect. "The baby _demands_ cantaloupe."

Ichigo promptly stood up. "I'll get dressed."

Tōshirō couldn't breathe for laughing.

§ x § x §

"At least your cravings are for something healthy," Yuzu laughed on the phone later that week. "With Tamaki, I wanted bubblegum-flavored everything. With Suzune, I wanted deep-fried everything. With-"

"Deep-fried battered cantaloupe. Oh my God."

"Karin, don't."

"That sounds so _good_. Maybe with some vanilla ice cream? And cinnamon. Yeah. Cinnamon in the batter. Yeah."

"No-"

"I need to talk to Shiroganehiko. He makes the best tempura everything."

"Wait-"

"You're a _genius_." Click.

§ x § x §

The phone rang six days later. Yuzu nervously answered it. "Oh, hi, Onii-chan! H-how are you?"

"Yuzu."

"Yes, Onii-chan?"

"Yuzu, _why?_ "

Yuzu cringed. "I- I created a monster, didn't I?"

"Oh my God, Yuzu. Oh my God. You have no idea. You inspired her to be creative. Cantaloupe tempura. Stir-fry with cantaloupe. Cantaloupe sorbet. Cantaloupe in onigiri. Grilled cantaloupe. Yakitori served in a halved cantaloupe."

"Ahahaha. Oops?"

§ x § x §

Karin was pretty sure cantaloupe was the food of the gods. How had she never noticed before? So sweet without being cloying, so cool and crisp, satisfying hunger and thirst at the same time. Heavenly.

"Are you going to eat that cantaloupe or marry it, Karin?" Ichigo asked with a grin.

Karin stuck out her tongue. "Be nice to my melony soulmate, Ichi-nii. He's going to be hanging around a lot over the next several months, satisfying my primal cravings when no one else can." She waggled her eyebrows at her brother suggestively as she took a big bite.

Ichigo made a face. "Thanks a lot, Karin. I will never look at cantaloupes the same way ever again."

Karin smirked and licked the slice of melon with exaggerated lust. "Did you know that a mother's pregnancy cravings and what they actually eat can affect a baby's tastes later in life?" She kissed the slice and batted her eyelashes. "Mister Cantaloupe may be a permanent presence in your household."

"You're killing me, Karin," Ichigo groaned.

§ x § x §

Ichigo and Tōshirō were preparing to go back to Seireitei for the work week. Ichigo was ready first for once and was sitting at the dining table shuffling through papers across from Karin, who was flopped on the table with a bowl of cantaloupe rinds beside her.

"Ichi-nii."

"Mm-hmm?"

"My boobs hurt."

Ichigo cringed and turned to his sister. "I'm sorry?"

Karin frowned. "I said my boobs hurt."

"I know. That's a pregnancy thing, right? Uh, I'm sorry about that?"

"Oh."

They stared at each other, Karin lethargic and Ichigo increasingly uncomfortable.

Tōshirō bustled into the room with his bag. "I think I have everything." He looked at Karin and frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Ichigo covered his face as soon as he saw the devious twinkle in Karin's eye.

"Tōshirōoooo."

"Yeah?"

"My boobs hurt."

"...Uhhh."

"Like, really hurt. Like bruises."

"Uhhhhhh."

"Like someone punched me in the chest. Twice. They're even kinda swollen."

"UHHHHHHHH."

"Does Granny make bras? I think I need a bigger one."

Tōshirō's face slid into full panic, face scarlet. "UhhhhhhIdunno...?!"

"Can you ask her for me?"

Tōshirō squawked and flailed for a moment. "I- I- I'lllllllsendMatsumototoseeyouokay?!"

Karin smirked. "You're adorable, Tōsh." She sat up and stretched, then winced and brushed a hand over her chest. "Damn."

"...So you _aren't_ exaggerating to make Tōshirō squirm?" Ichigo hedged.

"Pssh, I _wish_. Send me your buxom bra expert, Tōsh. We can talk undergarments and maybe she can suggest some new ways to prepare my melons." She poked her bust lightly, then paused. "By which I mean cantaloupe."

Ichigo wondered if Tōshirō would make it through the pregnancy without stroking out. That much blood flooding to his head couldn't be healthy.

§ x § x §

One week later, Karin spent Sunday night at Ichigo and Tōshirō's house. Monday morning found all three sitting at the breakfast table, too nervous to eat.

Week twelve was complete. First trimester over. Time for Karin's first ultrasound.

All three were terrified beyond words.

Ichigo and Tōshirō had spent half the night in bed alternately blurting out worries about what if something was wrong in a particular way and telling one another to shut up, clinging to each other with tangled limbs. Even the best case scenario- just seeing their baby for the first time- was monumentally daunting. Seeing Karin's growing belly was one thing- one very exciting thing- but actually seeing their baby would make everything real. The prospect was exhilarating and overwhelming.

For her part, Karin spent the night silently running her fingers over her more prominently rounded belly as though making sure it was still there. She repeatedly checked that cocoon of reishi she had noticed from the beginning. Monitoring its expansion had become an obsession. Surely everything was okay if that bundle kept growing steadily, right? And it _had_ been growing. She felt all right, but she had never been pregnant before. Who knew what she was actually supposed to feel like?

The three of them marched into Fourth Division shortly before nine, Karin between and holding the hands of her brothers. They were led to a private room near Captain Unohana's office. It was one of the rare times her brother's social status getting her special privileges didn't irritate the hell out of Karin. She wanted the best for the baby, and Retsu Unohana was the best. She didn't care how she got to have the Fourth Division captain as her personal attending physician as long as she did.

The guys made to leave so she could change in private, but she caught their sleeves and demanded (squeaked) that they stay. So her boys turned toward the wall while she put on the backwards hospital yukata, shuffled into place on the examination table, and covered her lap with the provided sheet. When she was done, she looked at them.

Ichigo and Tōshirō stood side by side, gripping one another's hands with white knuckles as they blankly faced the wall in front of them.

She breathed deeply, desperate for this to go well for them.

Karin cleared her throat. "You can look now."

They had just begun to turn when there was a knock at the door. Karin called out that it was okay to come in. Retsu Unohana entered, followed by Kisuke Urahara wearing a white medical smock over a shihakusho. In reply to the wall of raised eyebrows he encountered, Urahara sheepishly said, "Ah, do you mind if I assist Captain Unohana this morning? I like to follow through on my..."

"Experiments?" Karin drily finished.

Urahara cleared his throat uncomfortably. Ichigo bristled and opened his mouth. Karin socked him in the arm.

"I apologize for not bringing this up sooner," Captain Unohana smoothly interjected. "I thought it would be best to have Kisuke here to observe as you transition to my care since he was the first to examine you."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's check up on this baby." Karin didn't quite pull off nonchalance.

The four not on the exam table shuffled around the room, eventually settling with Ichigo and Tōshirō on either side of Karin, holding her hands, with Unohana and Urahara at the foot of the bed with an ultrasound machine.

Unohana put on gloves. "I'd like to check your cervix first, Karin, if that's all right."

Karin blew out a deep breath. "If you say so." She hiked up her knees as Unohana seated herself on a rolling stool and Urahara turned on a blindingly bright swivel lamp.

"What? What? Check her-?" Tōshirō flushed, remembered the body part labels in the pregnancy books he had been reading, and stared at the ceiling. "Oh. Oh." He saw something shiny out of the corner of his eye and glanced down in time to see Urahara hand Unohana a speculum. She opened and closed it experimentally with a metallic _clack_ then slathered it with lubricant. "Oh my God. That goes in-? No way. Oh my God. Oh my God."

Ichigo was already staring at a wall and humming a stressful tune to himself.

Karin scoffed. "You two are total wusses. You're going to break my fin _GERS!_ Dammit, that's cold!"

"An accident. My apologies, Karin," Unohana said serenely.

 _Bullshit_ , thought every other person in the room.

Unohana poked around and caused clinking sounds where there should never be clinking sounds. Ichigo's humming began to deteriorate into a whine. Tōshirō stared at Unohana's face over the sheet, transfixed by her clinically interested expression, then turned to make eye contact with Karin. He looked traumatized. Karin squeezed his hand.

"Guys, seriously. This is nothing. Calm down. I've had much worse pelvic exams."

Ichigo rounded on his sister. "Other people have done this to you?!"

Karin rolled her eyes. "Of course. It's uncomfortable as hell but how else can you get a pap smear?"

"A what smear?" asked Tōshirō.

"Oh, God." Ichigo turned back to the wall.

"What is a pap smear?" Tōshirō asked again, looking around the room in confusion.

"Aw, sweetheart, I'll explain when you're older," cooed Karin.

Tōshirō looked at Ichigo, lost. "Do I want to know?"

"Welcome to the wonderful world of women's health care, Captain Hitsugaya!" Urahara cheered.

"It's a test. To see if a woman's insides are healthy," Ichigo said haltingly. "They... they put something inside, like, _deep_ inside, and- and-"

"Scrape!" Karin cheerfully volunteered. Making her brother uncomfortable was a balm for her anxiety.

Ichigo swallowed. "And scrape stuff off, and test it to make sure there's nothing... uh..."

"Abnormal," Karin finished.

Tōshirō glanced down at the foot of the table. Urahara grinned and looked down at a tray. Tōshirō looked at the shiny instruments and cotton swabs larger and longer than he previously knew existed. He looked back at Karin, wide-eyed. "How do you-?!" Words failed him.

"Aww, honey, this is why I said I'd tell you when you're older. You should have listened to me. Now you're scarred for life."

Tōshirō tried to reply, but all that came out was " _Hnnng_."

Unohana sat back. There was a _clack_ as she disengaged the speculum and removed it. Karin relaxed. Unohana smiled. "Everything looks normal from this end." She held up a hand. "Towel, please, Kisuke."

Karin puffed out her cheeks and blew out a breath of relief as Unohana tidied her up and guided her knees down once more. At least the invasive part was over.

"I'd like to examine your belly next, Karin."

"Sure." Karin tugged her hands out of Tōshirō's and Ichigo's, left the sheet on her lap, and rolled the hospital gown up and tucked it under her breasts.

She looked up and rolled her eyes. Both men were still staring at the walls. "Oh, for God's sake, you've both seen me in a bikini. You can look at my belly."

Unohana gently felt around Karin's belly, humming here, asking a quiet question about discomfort there. It was almost as soothing as a massage. Karin wondered if Unohana was using some kind of kido on her to calm her down.

Karin noticed the guys glancing from her belly to each other. "What?"

They flushed. Words still failed Tōshirō, so Ichigo explained. "With all the winter clothes, we didn't realize you were quite this, um, round already. Just a bit surprised."

Karin arched her eyebrows.

"You _are_ bigger than I expected you to be," Unohana interrupted, "but it doesn't feel like excessive weight gain." Unohana curiously pinched the fullest part of Karin's abdomen. It wasn't flabby.

Urahara hummed. "I noticed that, too."

"I-is that bad?" Karin squeaked, calm gone.

"No, just interesting," Unohana soothed. "Most likely, your baby is larger than average. If I recall correctly, Shibas sometimes have large babies. Your aunt got very big with Ganju and your grandmother was quite large when she carried your father." Karin suspected she was being distracted from other possibilities. Unohana gestured at the ultrasound machine. Urahara immediately pushed it forward. "Let's take a look, yes?"

Karin was on the edge of hyperventilating as Unohana poured gel on her belly. Tōshirō and Ichigo were her equally terrified anchors as Unohana guided the probe across her skin in search of their baby.

Unohana stopped moving, staring at the screen. Mild surprise flitted across her face. "Oh."

"Oh, my." Urahara leaned closer to the screen. "That's unexpected."

Karin was paralyzed with fear. She couldn't speak. Tōshirō and Ichigo gripped her hands harder.

"What? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Is something wrong with the baby?"

"Dichorionic, diamniotic," Unohana observed. Had the family been calmer, they would have noticed she was pleased. She turned to Urahara and raised a brow. "Dizygotic or monozygotic?"

Urahara scratched his temple. "Well, we _did_ implant two ova. I didn't think both would take. It's supposedly usually one or the other. The first two tries, it was neither. So it could be either. Interesting. I'll have to look through my notes."

Ichigo and Tōshirō were losing it.

"What are you talking about?!"

"Is Karin okay?! Is the baby okay?!"

Unohana and Urahara glanced at each other and smiled.

"They're more than okay, Captain Hitsugaya," Urahara said with a grin. He turned the monitor to face them. "Congratulations."

They stared at the screen. It was a confusing field of wobbly grayscale blobs with two flickering spots. The various blobs shifted around seemingly at random.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Everyone looked at Karin, who seemed to have figured it out before the men.

"You have got. To be. Fucking. _Kidding_ me. Really?!"

The guys looked back at the screen. Realization dawned on Ichigo, who had seen more of such images than Tōshirō. "Twins?!"

"What." Tōshirō stared blankly. "Where?"

Unohana pointed. "Here is the first baby's head-" she slid her finger an inch- "arm-" another slide- "bottom-" slide- "leg-" one more slide- "and heart." They watched the small, flickering pulse for a moment. Unohana picked up her hand, moved it a few inches, and began again. "Here is the second baby's head- arm, curled up in front of its face- bottom- leg- heart." Again, they watched the small pulse. Unohana smiled. "I don't see any abnormalities. They look healthy, each in its own amniotic sac and its own placenta. That's the safest way to have twins. Congratulations."

Karin promptly burst into tears. Tōshirō wasn't far behind her. Ichigo started laughing.

They spent the next thirty minutes excitedly learning the art of determining what kind of blob was what, looking at the twins from different angles as Urahara scribbled measurements on a patient file. All three were awed by the sound of the twins' hearts beating. Unohana finally pulled the probe away, much to their disappointment, and wiped Karin's belly with a towel.

Karin smoothed her hands over her bare belly. "They're flailing around in the pictures, but I don't feel anything."

Unohana hummed and nodded. "They're still too small to feel. You should start to feel flutters in about a month."

Karin grinned up at her brothers. "I can't wait."

§ x § x §

Starving, happy, and with doctor's orders for Karin to gain a few pounds, the three got takeout from multiple stands on the way back to the guys' house. Instead of using the table, they sprawled out in a circle on the floor of the guys' living room with the containers all around them.

Karin shuffled through a pile of stills from the ultrasound. Between bites, she cooed, "Aww, Tōsh, you fathered such cute blobs."

Tōshirō scoffed, looking at another set of stills. "I believe you mean _perfect_ blobs."

Ichigo looked over the set of three stills he held fanned out like a hand of cards and grinned. "Come on, guys. Obviously our blobs are perfectly cute and cutely perfect."

"Since when are you a diplomat?" Karin asked with amusement.

Once full, their lack of sleep the night before snuck up on them and overtook their excitement. They all crawled off and were asleep by noon.

Ichigo woke around three. Instead of getting up, he lay looking at his sleeping husband. He was the twins' biological father. How much would they resemble him? Karin did resemble her brother and genetics were unpredictable so Ichigo knew the children could end up looking a bit like him, but he didn't want to count on it. So he focused on Tōshirō's face, smooth and relaxed in sleep. Pictured what Tōshirō had looked like at their first meeting when he had the appearance of a twelve-year-old. Tried to stretch his mind's eye back farther than that and imagine Tōshirō younger. He ended up reaching over and lightly brushing his fingers across Tōshirō's features- jaw, cheekbones, brow, nose, lips, ears.

Tōshirō woke gradually and drowsily stared at Ichigo. He made no move to stop his husband. "What are you doing?" he eventually asked, voice thick with sleep.

Ichigo smiled sheepishly. "Picturing little kids who look like you." He hoped at least one of the twins had Tōshirō's eyes. They were lovely.

Tōshirō's lips curled into a little smile. He reached up and carded his fingers through Ichigo's hair, then guided his head down for a kiss.

§ x § x §

Karin looked at the guys thoughtfully all through dinner that night. When they started gathering dishes, she asked, "Hey, you guys keep some real world clothes around here, don't you?"

"Yeah," said Ichigo as he collected all the water glasses. "What about them?"

"Where are they? I wanna borrow some."

"Uh, in a couple boxes in our closet. Why do you want them?"

"You'll see. Can I?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess. The boxes are labeled."

"Great!" And Karin disappeared down the hall.

Tōshirō poked his head around the kitchen door frame. "What was that about?"

Ichigo shrugged.

When the guys were drying dishes, Karin's voice floated in from the living room. "Hey, guys, come out here when you're done, yeah?"

The couple exchanged curious glances and put the dishes down. As they entered the living room, Karin was standing on the far side with her back to them, bent slightly to browse the titles in a book case. She was wearing what the guys recognized as a pair of Tōshirō's sweatpants and one of Ichigo's long-sleeved shirts. When she turned to face them, they saw that she had tucked the waistband of the pants low on her hips and the shirt hugged her belly.

"What's this?" asked Tōshirō.

Karin smiled. "Sit on either end of the couch."

"Okaaaay," said Ichigo.

Karin sat between them, got comfortable, and rolled the shirt up to expose her abdomen. "I saw how you were looking at my belly all curious earlier. I can't do this in a kimono. C'mere. There's not much to feel yet, but you can touch if you want."

The guys looked at her face in surprise, then glanced down at her belly. Neither moved.

Karin huffed and put her arms up on the back of the couch. "Don't be shy. I see the way you're looking at it like some kind of mysterious treasure. I'm telling you I'm fine with you touching."

Ichigo was the first to move. He scooted closer and reached out, hesitantly hovering his hand over her belly for a moment before gently laying his palm on it. He stroked his thumb back and forth a few times, then tentatively moved his palm in a circle. Ichigo grinned. "Wow."

Tōshirō watched for a moment, then shifted closer. Ichigo slid his hand down and back toward himself to leave space for his husband's hand. Tōshirō shyly brushed his fingertips around Karin's navel, then slowly turned his hand to cradle her belly. "Warm," he whispered.

Karin laughed. "Yeah, they're nice and snug in there."

Tōshirō smiled softly. "I can't believe there are two babies in there."

"I wonder when we'll be able to feel them move from outside," said Ichigo.

Tōshirō grinned. "That'll be amazing."

After a few minutes of gentle exploring, Tōshirō and Ichigo's hands met and laced together over Karin's navel. They looked at each other and smiled.

Karin's lips quirked up. "You two are such sappy dorks, I swear. I could pinch your cheeks, you're so adorable."

Ichigo darted in and kissed his little sister's temple, then ruffled her hair. "You're an abrasive smartass and I love you."

Karin laughed and messed up his hair in return.

After another few minutes, Karin shifted. "Okay, sorry guys, show's over. My belly's cold and I'm sleepy again."

They reluctantly withdrew. "Thank you," Tōshirō said softly.

"No problem." Karin tugged the shirt down and stretched. "If you get curious again, just ask. I probably won't mind as long as you ask first. If you come up and fondle me without asking I'll probably break your face, though. Fair warning."

Tōshirō snorted and Ichigo snickered.

"Welp, I'm off to bed." Karin stood and smoothed the shirt over her abdomen. "Hey, whichever of you goes on the cantaloupe-fetching trip next should get me some clothes like this while they're out. Just some generic sweats. I didn't realize how much I missed pants. Stupid old-timey Soul Society."

"Sure," Ichigo agreed, still grinning.

"You can keep these if you want," Tōshirō volunteered.

"Yeah, keep them."

"Awesome."

§ x § x §

The next morning, Karin had breakfast with the couple before heading back to the Shiba compound. Ichigo and Tōshirō gathered their things, kissed goodbye, and left for their respective offices.

Upon reaching the Tenth Division, Tōshirō set about his usual morning routine. He set a kettle to boil for tea and opened the blinds on the windows. He wanted to open the window, not minding the chill winter air, but knew if he did Matsumoto would use the cold as an excuse to flee. Once his tea was ready, he poured himself a cup and seated himself at his desk. Papers were shuffled and moved aside. After clearing a corner of his work space, Tōshirō pulled a picture frame out of the satchel that he used to carry important documents home and back. He looked at it for a moment, brushed his fingers over the image, smiled, and carefully set it up on his desk.

It was the threesome's unanimous favorite still image from the ultrasound. After a lot of jockeying around, Unohana had managed to snap a picture that clearly showed most of both babies on either side of the light, thick line that was the layers of membranes between them. Tōshirō set to work with a lingering smile.

Across Seireitei, Ichigo placed a framed copy of the same image on his own desk. He propped his head up in his hands and stared at it with a besotted grin until Chad came in, peeked at it over his shoulder, and offered a quiet congratulations. Chad had to clear his throat a couple times an hour to get Ichigo back on track whenever he spent too long distracted by staring at the photo.

At the Shiba compound, Karin set her own copy of the image on her dresser, snapped a picture of it with the phone Yuzu had given her, and sent it to her sister. Yuzu promptly called to squeal excitedly with her. Later, Karin fielded a nigh-unintelligible call from her happily bawling father. He was vocalizing what she felt so she didn't mind his dramatics for once.

It was a good morning.

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

A/N: Yeeeeaaaahhhh, I went the babyfic cliché twins route. I figured I had an excuse with IVF and this was originally a crack fic so whateverrr.

In writing this chapter, I have discovered that writing Unohana makes me channel Morticia Addams. Upon further thought, I think those two would have lovely tea and flower arrangement dates while reminiscing about the screams of their fallen enemies and trying to breed roses that more perfectly resemble freshly spilt blood. Wednesday would quietly idolize Unohana as a secondary female role model. Morticia would approve of the potential expansion of Wednesday's horizons and opportunities for her afterlife. Unohana would be amused and promise her a katana for her sweet sixteenth birthday and to put in a good word with Second or Twelfth Division when she dies, should she avoid Hell. How have I written crossover fic in an author's note for a fic? I don't understand my brain.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: WHEEEEE, mood whiplash! :D

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

CHAPTER 4

That Thursday evening, Ichigo returned from one of his Rapunzel-esque missions to the World of the Living to fetch cantaloupe and the clothes Karin requested to find Tōshirō curled up on the couch with a book, looking sick and chewing a hangnail.

Ichigo put down his bags and eyed Tōshirō cautiously. "Uh, Shiro? Why do you look like you're reading a report about an impending apocalypse?"

"I've been researching twin pregnancies. We were lucky."

Ichigo smiled slightly. "Yeah, really lucky. Why are you so upset, though?"

"No, you don't get it. Unohana's right- Karin lucked into the safest way to have twins. Things can go _so_ wrong when twins share one placenta or one amniotic sac."

Ichigo frowned. "Shiro-"

"When twins share a placenta, sometimes the blood supply gets disproportionate. It's called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. It has a sixty to one hundred percent fetal mortality rate."

Ichigo looked alarmed. "Shiro-"

"The survival rate of twins who share both a placenta and an amniotic sac is only fifty to sixty percent."

"Shiro, stop."

"In such cases, the two umbilical cords can end up tangled and restrict blood supply, causing brain damage or death."

" _Tōshirō. Stop._ "

Tōshirō looked up at his husband, haunted. "We could have lost them, Ichigo," he whispered.

Ichigo strode over, snatched the book, snapped it closed, and tossed it across the room. "Stop it. You're going to give yourself nightmares, Shiro. Ignore all that. That's stuff that we know won't happen. You heard Unohana- the twins aren't sharing anything." He tried to be funny. "They each have their own suite at Château Karín."

There was quiet for a long minute while Tōshirō stared at him.

Then Tōshirō rasped, "We could still lose them."

Ichigo faltered. "Shiro-"

"Even safe twins like Karin's have a mortality risk of nine percent at twenty-four weeks," he whispered. "That's triple the mortality risk of single babies. Triple."

Dread crept into Ichigo's heart. "Shiro-"

"And they may have to be delivered early because that risk is over _three times higher_ at a full forty weeks. _Thirty percent mortality_. And that's not even considering that there could be complications that put Karin in danger herself. Eclampsia, uterine atony, placental abruption-"

Ichigo shuddered. "Okay, you're going to give us _both_ nightmares."

Tōshirō scrubbed his face with his hands. "Maybe we should have thought this through more."

Ichigo paced. "Listen, Tōshirō. There are a lot of twins in the world. My sisters are twins. They made it just fine. My mom made it just fine. Everything is going to be fine. Everything has to be fine. It _will_ be fine. It will."

Tōshirō bit his lip. "I want to believe that. But I think of how unlucky we were trying to adopt-"

" _Fuck_ that," Ichigo spat, coming to a stop to face his husband. "The universe owes us for that."

"I don't think that's how the universe works."

"Then I choose to believe luck doesn't exist. Just statistics and random chance. Nine percent isn't a huge risk."

"Thirty is."

Ichigo resumed pacing, hands covering his face as he tried to calm down. "You said they might have to be delivered early. Does that mean they actually have a better chance as preemies?"

"Possibly," Tōshirō said quietly. "It said every pregnancy is different and it depends on the fetuses and the mother's body. That they need close monitoring in the last few months and can be taken early if they start to slide into risky territory. That some twins are fine and go full term, but some... they're either born early or..." He trailed off.

They were silent for a long time, Ichigo pacing and Tōshirō chewing his hangnail and staring into space. Eventually, Ichigo took a deep breath and laced his hands behind his head. "Unohana wasn't concerned." He bit his lip and looked at the ceiling for a long minute, then looked down to meet Tōshirō's eyes. "We need to focus on that."

"Unohana has the best poker face in Soul Society."

"Dammit, Shiro, stop killing my coping devices with logic."

"Sorry."

Ichigo blew out a heavy sigh and paced once more. "No, no, I'm sorry. Fuck. _Fuck_."

Tōshirō rubbed his temples. "Do we bring this up with Karin?"

"God. I dunno. It might terrify her unnecessarily. And her body is more sensitive to stress right now, I think...? That's what it's like on TV, anyway. Is that true?"

"I don't know. Let's... let's try to keep this to ourselves, then?"

"Yeah. Yeah."

They didn't sleep well that night.

§ x § x §

They arrived at the Shiba compound Friday evening tired and on edge. So it was understandable that they reacted poorly to finding Karin kneeling at a coffee table with Ganju, completely surrounded by a minefield of bottle rockets and the supplies for making them.

They both shouted Karin's name at the same time, faces drawn in horror. Karin looked up at them blandly and raised a brow. "What's wrong with you?"

"What are you doing?!" Ichigo nearly shrieked.

"Making bottle rockets. What does it look like?"

Tōshirō gestured and made a face that looked like a silent scream, afraid to move toward her- he could disturb the rockets and cause a disaster.

"Karin, you can't!"

"How else am I going to learn?"

"Oh my God, Karin, you can't mess around with explosives while pregnant!"

Karin raised her other brow to make a face that screamed _why are you saying stupidly obvious things_ and said, "Uh, duh?"

"Think of the twi- What?"

She waved a bottle rocket around by its stick. Tōshirō made a strangled noise. Karin glanced at him weirdly and said, "Do you think I'm stupid? We're using sawdust instead of black powder. Ganju's teaching me how to make the rockets so I have the technique down by the time it's safe for me to use the fun stuff."

Ichigo paused for a long time, fighting to process her words through his panic. "So- so you're safe?"

"Yes."

"N-no explosions can happen?"

"No. Have a little faith in me, guys."

Tōshirō wilted, leaned against a wall, clutched his chest, and silently mouthed a long string of profanities. Ichigo slapped his palms over his eyes and clawed his fingers into his hair, saying something unintelligible that sounded like, " _Graaaahhhhhh_." Karin stared at them. Ganju warily glanced between the three of them, rolling a rocket stick around in the corner of his mouth and wondering if he needed to flee.

"Are you guys okay?" Karin asked after a bit.

"Yeah. Sure. Fine. Don't mind us," Ichigo answered with a strained voice, still covering his face.

She looked down at the table. And floor. And couch. And about five dozen completed bottle rockets that looked sloppy but very real haphazardly strewn about her. "Oh." She scratched her temple. "It does look pretty bad, doesn't it?"

Tōshirō nodded fervently.

"Sorry about that."

"No problem," Ichigo rasped.

Karin worried her lip with her teeth. "Let's pack it in for today, Ganju."

"Yeah, uh, sure. Dinner isn't too far off anyway."

They started to gather all the supplies and practice rockets, trying not to look guilty. Tōshirō wandered down the hall to their suite, leaning on the wall and muttering to himself. Ichigo weakly followed him.

Maybe _both_ of them would stroke out before the kids were born.

§ x § x §

Dinner had been quiet and incredibly awkward. When it was over, Ganju fled the house and Kūkaku eyed Karin, Ichigo, and Tōshirō speculatively before disappearing into the fireworks shop. The three sat at the table with a pot of tea- and a bowl of baked cantaloupe chips for Karin- a long silence stretching between them.

Finally, Karin started, "Listen, guys, I'm sorry. I knew it was safe but I didn't even consider how it would look to you. I knew you were coming-"

"It's okay. Really," Tōshirō said tiredly.

Karin's mouth clicked shut. She narrowed her eyes and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo hedged, glancing sideways.

"That. You're acting cagey as hell and look exhausted. What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Just... it's not important, okay?" said Tōshirō.

"Bullshit. You're twitchy and won't look at me. What happened? Did someone die?"

"What?! No," said Ichigo.

"Is there some big new dramatic threat to Soul Society and or the world?"

"No."

"Political shenanigans?"

"No. It's nothing, Karin. Just drop it."

"No way."

Both men sighed deeply. Karin took a melon chip and gnawed on it while watching the guys with suspicious eyes. The men avoided looking at her. Quietly, she asked, "Does it have to do with the twins?"

They flinched.

"Okaaaay. That's a big change of attitude since Tuesday morning."

"Whoa, don't get us wrong. We're still thrilled about having twins," Ichigo reassured her while waving his hands.

"We just-" Tōshirō bit off his words and looked down at his clenched fists.

Karin chewed and swallowed, watching them. "Do you think I'm going to endanger the babies?"

Both men looked up and recoiled. "No!"

"I mean, the way you reacted this afternoon-"

"No, that's not it! Not at all!"

Karin spread her arms in question, at a loss. "Then what is it?"

The guys looked at each other and had a silent conversation with facial expressions. Karin picked up another chip and bit it while watching them, waiting them out.

Tōshirō finally met her eyes and haltingly explained, "Well, it's just... I read that twin pregnancies are inherently riskier than single pregnancies." The men braced themselves for her fear.

Karin chewed her cantaloupe chip. After a moment of silence in which she waited for more detail, she said, "Yeeeeeeeah. And?"

Tōshirō blinked. "You... you know?"

"Pssh, I'm a twin myself. Yuzu and I looked that shit up as soon as we figured out where babies come from."

"And you're... not concerned?"

Karin shrugged. "I don't know all the details of what can go wrong and I don't want to. I'd be a wreck. I'm just gonna trust Unohana. I chatted with her when she did my pregnancy test. She's been midwifing for like a thousand years. She keeps up with medical literature from the world of the living, too. I think I'm in good hands." She tossed another chip in her mouth and chewed slowly, watching the guys look at each other. "You poor schmucks looked up all the terrifying things that can happen to the three of us and got yourselves scared witless, didn't you?"

"Uh."

"Maybe?"

Karin's lips twitched with fond amusement. "I love you dorks."

Both of them donned adorably similar frowns.

"Don't mock-"

"We were worried-"

"I wasn't being sarcastic. Thanks for the concern." Karin smiled and patted her belly. "From all of us."

The guys stared blankly. "Oh."

"But calm the fuck down."

"Um, I don't know if we _can_ ," Tōshirō said quietly.

"There are risks with every pregnancy, guys. I knew that before I volunteered for this. Most women with any decent measure of sex ed goes into pregnancy knowing there are risks. A lot of us choose to do it anyway. It's our battle to fight, yeah? Just chill, okay? Try to only worry if the doctor... healer... whatever Unohana is. Try to only be super concerned if she, like, frowns or something." Karin glanced aside and muttered, "She's so damn placid her looking worried is a sign of the apocalypse."

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "We can try. But..."

Tōshirō gripped the edge of the table. "Karin, we don't want to lose the _twins_ and we don't want to lose _you_. Knowing it's possible..." He trailed off, at a loss.

Karin crossed her arms. "You could have lost me even if I didn't get pregnant. I could have blown myself sky-high with fireworks. I could have gone to the academy and gotten snagged by a Hollow on my first patrol. Hell, my human death came when a bus rolled off a highway bridge into traffic below. All freak accidents with the same long odds as a lot of pregnancy complications. All things you have no control over. You deal with those kind of long odds every day when one or the other of you goes out on a mission and leaves the other in Seireitei. You've trained your minds to distance yourselves from that worry, to shove it to the back of your mind so you can function. You need to put me and the twins in that same category or you'll be paralyzed with fear. And you'll do none of us any good if you're too afraid to move forward."

The men blinked at her. Stared. Both of their eyes abruptly went unfocused, not quite seeing her.

"Oh, snap, are you boys getting told by your zanpakutō? You totally are, aren't you. They'd better be telling you I'm both right and awesome."

Her boys continued to space out, but she swore she sensed the slightest double shiver of amusement in the air.

"You _do_ think I'm awesome. Excellent. You're awesome, too, by the way. Very sharp and shiny. Keep killing everything that comes at my boys, yeah? With a vengeance. I'm not having these babies for them so they can run off and get themselves killed. You're not allowed to let them bite it until they're geezers with grandkids, got it?"

Again, the faintest echo of amusement, blanketing a quiet thrum of mutual bloodlust.

"Hell yes."

Her boys blinked.

"Hell yes what?" asked Ichigo.

"Nothing important. Did you have a nice chat with your awesome, wise, badass swords?"

Once more, she felt that double thread of amusement, a small burst of smug approval that made her think of a smirk, then nothing. They had withdrawn, settling in the backs of the guys' minds once more.

"Ummm-"

"Ah-"

"They totally agreed with me, didn't they? In whatever mystical motivational speech way they work. They agreed, right?"

Tōshirō sighed hard and pinched the bridge of his nose. Ichigo leaned back and scrubbed his face with one hand. Neither countered her.

"Hell yes."

§ x § x §

Another two weeks slid by as winter relented. Snow began to melt and transform the outdoors into a slushy, muddy mess. Karin had hoped for an unusually early spring to thaw and dry everything out in time for her to get some more soccer coaching in with the neighborhood brats- coaching in which she could actively participate and run around, anyway- before she got too big. But that had been before finding out she was having twins and needed to be more careful. Unless the seasons miraculously changed within a week, she was out of luck. She didn't want to take any risks running around past sixteen weeks. It seemed she'd go without playing soccer for most of the year. Damn.

Karin reached fifteen weeks right as February turned into March. While her abdomen hadn't grown a _lot_ since her ultrasound, her body had expanded a little in general as she followed Unohana's orders to put on some weight and her belly had rounded out a bit more. Just enough to to suddenly limit her wardrobe. She had taken to borrowing two of Kūkaku's only articles of conventional clothing over the last few days because her cousin's more voluptuous body translated to slightly larger clothes, but she knew it wouldn't last long. Her brother, bless his sweet live-in-the-moment heart, had gotten her some modern clothes but hadn't really planned ahead for her size to change, so _those_ were starting to get snug. Nothing fit right. And she'd probably need another bra soon. Again.

Annoying.

§ x § x §

Tōshirō showed up early at the Shiba house that Friday afternoon. He dropped his stuff off in his and Ichigo's room, grabbed a cup of tea, and went into the living room. There he found Karin lounging on the couch, avidly watching streaming coverage of one of her former team's matches on the device she had come to call the uPhone in honor of Urahara.

"Hey," he called. "How have you been this week?" Tōshirō sipped his tea and tried not to look anxious.

Karin looked up at him with a deadpan face and tugged down the hem of her blessedly modern shirt. It immediately rode up again. "Oh, woe is me," she droned, "your kids are ruining my girlish figure."

Tōshirō snorted. "I don't think your figure has ever been _girlish_."

"Don't be a dick, Tōsh."

"That was a compliment, idiot. You pretty much went from tomboy to woman."

"Oh. Carry on, then."

"What?"

"Compliment me more."

Tōshirō stared at her blandly.

Karin smirked and patted her belly. "It will be good for the babies." She was going to milk that line as often and as unreasonably as she could. See which of the guys snapped first.

"Riiiiiight," he deadpanned. "Have to nurture those little egos from the womb or they will never grow as big as yours."

Karin laughed and threw a couch cushion at him. "Jerk. Have Granny come measure me and make me pretty."

§ x § x §

Tōshirō explained that the late winter slush made ferrying supplies difficult so fittings would need to be done at Granny's house. He disappeared for an hour or so to set up an appointment with Granny for the next day, reappearing in time for dinner looking embarrassed and hauling a big tin of home-made amanatto. Karin cooed, called him a cute little grandma's boy, and stole some of his candy. Ichigo cackled as Tōshirō heaved a long-suffering sigh.

After breakfast the next morning, Tōshirō escorted Karin to the little house he grew up in. Within, they found Granny and Momo.

And Rangiku.

Tōshirō sighed. "Matsumoto, what are you doing here?"

Rangiku smiled innocently. "Momo told me Karin was going to get fitted for new clothes so _of course_ I had to come."

Tōshirō stared at her with a skeptical grimace, then turned to his sister and grandmother. "Is she going to bother you? I can drag her out if she's going to get in your way."

"Captain! So mean," Rangiku whined. "I like watching Granny work."

"And doing no work yourself."

"I'm not a seamstress, Captain, so of course I should just stay out of the way and watch Granny make pretty clothes appear like magic."

Tōshirō massaged his temples and looked to his family. "Granny?"

"She can stay and mind the fire, dear. We need to keep it hot while we measure Karin so she doesn't catch a chill."

Momo pouted. "We told you we'd get you heaters, Granny."

Tōshirō sighed and ruffled his hair. "And we've invited you to move to the Shiba compound so you can be more comfortable."

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Come, let's get started." Granny made a shooing gesture at her grandson.

Tōshirō rolled his eyes and moved. He turned back at the door and looked at Momo and Rangiku. "Walk Karin home after, yeah?"

Momo chirped, "Sure!" as Rangiku mock-saluted. Karin rolled her eyes but didn't complain- the slushy road was more treacherous than she had expected and she found herself less sure-footed than usual. Soul Society really needed sidewalks.

When Tōshirō was gone, Momo barred the door and Granny directed Karin to stand near the muted light from the papered windows. Kariin shrugged off the kimono she had borrowed from Kūkaku and handed it to Momo, who folded it and set it aside.

Rangiku's eyes widened and she cooed, "Ohh, Karin, you grew!"

"Yes, Ran. That's why I need new clothes," Karin said flatly. She poked her belly with one finger. She still couldn't be called big, but her lean and lithe body definitely looked pregnant now.

"You're four months now, right?" Rangiku's hand moved forward as though drawn by a magnet.

"Four months next week." Just before Rangiku's hand could touch her belly, Karin slapped it away. Hard. "No touchie."

"Awww, I wanna feel."

"Do you like when people walk up and grope your boobs? Without asking, I mean."

"Noooo..."

"Then don't walk up and grope my belly."

"I'm not groping... like... _naughtily_..."

"You're trying to fondle my body without permission. Back off before I break your face."

"Oh." Rangiku subsided and sulked like a scolded child. "I'm sorry. I've just never had a friend have a baby and was curious what it feels like."

Karin rolled her eyes. "There is this magical thing called asking permission, Ran. Try it sometime."

"Okay," Rangiku said contritely. She was smart enough to not ask immediately.

"OKAY. Now. Where were we?" Karin shifted from foot to foot, awkward, and looked at Granny. "I haven't been measured for clothes since my sister's wedding so let me know if I'm doing something wrong."

Granny chuckled. "Don't worry, there's not much you can do wrong getting measured. Just move when I tell you to move and stay still when I tell you to stay still."

"Sounds easy enough."

"Now, before I measure, I would like you to describe your concerns to me, especially what areas you're having the most problems with tightness and where you seem to be growing the quickest. It will help me design something that will have some room for you to grow into more comfortably before you need another new set of clothes."

So Karin rambled on about the assorted ways her clothes just didn't fit anymore while Granny slowly walked around her, looking her up and down and humming thoughtfully. She had half expected to feel like a piece of meat on display, but was glad to find that she didn't. Granny was very easy to talk to and her gaze was strictly professional. Tōshirō had once told Karin that there were times he could watch his grandmother's face and see her actively designing clothing with every calculating shift of her eyes- that watching her do so had fascinated him as a child. Karin understood what he had meant, now. It was like Granny was looking at her and seeing clothes that had yet to be made, considering and dismissing options with careful thought, building the perfect end result in her mind's eye before measuring just to be certain.

After awhile, Granny stopped, put her hands on her hips, looked Karin up and down one last time and nodded decisively. Her eyes darted to Momo, who promptly stood and brought the measuring tape and writing utensils. The two women worked together to pose Karin like a mannequin and measure everything efficiently with the ease of long practice. At the end Granny double-checked the measurement for the widest part of her abdomen, then paused for a moment to slowly coil up the measuring tape.

Momo was already helping Karin slip the kimono back onto her shoulders when Karin impulsively asked, "Um, Granny, would you like to touch? You too, Momo. You're Tōshirō's family, so..." She shrugged.

Misty-eyed, Granny brushed her fingertips over Karin's belly. Smiling broadly, she murmured, "I look forward to meeting my little one's little ones." She patted Karin's belly lightly. "You take care of yourself and these two."

Karin grinned. "I will. It'd be hard not to. Your grandson's a protective worrywart, you know?"

Granny laughed brightly. "That he is, that he is."

Momo took a turn eagerly cupping Karin's belly. "Ahhhh, this is so exciting! I'm going to be an auntie! Ahhh, my little nieces or nephews are in there!" Momo looked up with enthusiastic curiosity. "Are they moving yet? Do you feel them?"

Karin laughed and tugged the kimono closed. "Apparently they're moving but not big enough to feel yet. Unohana said that should change in the next few weeks, though."

Momo practically vibrated in place with expectant joy.

The four women sat down to tea by the fire and chatted while Granny flipped through a sketchbook drawing and making notes. When they were done, Granny led Karin into a back room filled with shelves full of bolts of cloth. Granny fingered cloth, held bolts up to Karin, tested the drape over her shoulders, and hummed thoughtfully throughout.

"Do you have any preferences for color?" Granny asked several minutes in.

"Not really. Surprise me. Do whatever you think would look good and feel comfortable. Just... no pink."

Granny arched one brow at her with amused curiosity. "Oh?"

Karin turned to look at her flatly. "My tolerance for pink is as limited as Tōshirō's tolerance for Rangiku's work ethic- or lack thereof. I put up with it until I suddenly explode in rage."

"Hey!" cried Rangiku.

Granny and Momo laughed.

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

§ x § x §

A/N: Ahhh, straightforward fluff/angst is relaxing after having written so much plotty stuff. I don't have to think as hard hahaha. Heads up: I have no idea when I'll update this next. My crossover's plot has started to really move and while I have some stuff outlined for later in this fic, I have a gap in the middle I need to come up with material for.

Boom, basic introduction to different kinds of twin pregnancies and complications with simple diagrams: h*t*t*p*:*/*/*w*w*w*.*m*o*m*b*a*b*y*.*o*r*g*/*U*s*e*r*F*i*l*e*s*/*F*i*l*e*/*T*T*T*S*.*h*t*m*l

Boom, depressing fetal mortality statistics: h*t*t*p*:*/*/*w*w*w*.*n*c*b*i*.*n*l*m*.*n*i*h*.*g*o*v*/*p*u*b*m*e*d*/*1*4*5*5*0*9*9*6

I think I got other numbers by looking at the Wikipedia article about twins.


End file.
